Sunday, September 7, 2008

Drugs and Politics

Background to saga:

Richard Cachia Caruana: Head of KPMG Malta, Prime Minister’s personal assistant and now Malta's permanent representative to the EU.

Presidential Pardon to notorious thug and party foot soldier Zeppi l-Hafi.

Clarissa Cachia, wife of Kurt Cachia who with brother Steve Cachia are directors and run Deloitte and Touche Malta, more recently involved in laundering money for the Parmalat. Clarissa was found not guilty despite being arrested with one kilo of pure uncut cocaine.


Meinrad Calleja’s trial by jury

Zambi testimony is serendipity for Meinrad Calleja defence

Matthew Vella
Assessing the credibility of witnesses in Meinrad Calleja’s trial by jury has been the focus of both prosecution and defence in a week where a crucial testimony by convicted Carmel Attard ‘iz-Zambi,’ may have landed the Calleja defence team, led by Dr Emanuel Mallia, a bonus card.
Meinrad Calleja, 41, is pleading not guilty to having commissioned the attempted murder of the Prime Minister’s personal assistant Richard Cachia Caruana, stabbed outside his home in Mdina on 18 December 1994. Carmel Attard was sentenced to 14 years imprisonment in 1998 after pleading guilty to stabbing Cachia Caruana by Mr Justice Vincent Degaetano, who is presiding Calleja’s trial by jury.

Attard’s testimony has revealed accounts of coercion, fear, and new insights into the person of Zeppi l-Hafi, the notorious moniker of Joseph Fenech, grantee of the Prime Minister’s presidential pardon in return for disclosing the perpetrators of the attack on Richard Cachia Caruana.

Breaking a nine-year silence, Attard testified in Court this week that former co-accused Ian Farrugia, acquitted of stabbing Cachia Caruana, had told him it was Zeppi l-Hafi who had carried out the crime.

Describing him as a compulsive liar ("ma’ kull nifs jigdeb"), Attard said Fenech would spit at the Prime Minister’s Volvo whenever he passed by it outside the PM’s residence in Birkirkara, recalling Fenech saying he would continue doing so until Fenech Adami died. Attard said he was fooled ("laghabni kemm felah") and threatened by Fenech into accepting blame for the attempted murder.

Attard’s testimony at the hands of the prosecution’s interrogatory was serendipitous for defence counsel Emanuel Mallia, who did not counter-examine Attard.

Earlier on, Joseph Fenech recounted criminal endeavours in connection with Calleja, namely a 1992 burglary in Sliema and a botch drug exchange with Calleja’s sister Clarissa Cachia – both cases were foiled by the police. He recalled Calleja pestering him for two months to carry out the crime, and how he attempted to procrastinate matters since he did not want to kill Cachia Caruana, whom he knew.

In the end, Fenech recalled, he got a drunkard – Carmel Attard ‘iz-Zambi’ – to do a job he hoped would never be carried through, and he takes credit for that, since Calleja would have brought in an Italian killer to do the job.

In his counter-examination, Mallia has attempted to offer new directions into the complexity of the court process by attempting to discredit the prosecution’s case that Meinrad Calleja commissioned the murder in retribution for the resignation of his father, Brigadier Maurice Calleja.

Mallia’s counter-examination of Zeppi l-Hafi included questions on his relations with acquaintance Carmel Borg ‘is-Sunnara,’ the PM’s chauffeur, and Salvu Ellul of Elbros Construction, all three former minders who camped out on Fenech Adami’s doorstep during the violent eighties, protecting the then-Opposition leader from further attacks on his home.
A crucial point was perhaps when Mallia asked Fenech whether he was an acquaintance of building contractors, to which Fenech answered he knew some personally. It was a fleeting question, but why would building contractors feature in connection with the attempt on Cachia Carauna’s life?

Searching for ulterior motives besides retribution for Meinrad Calleja’s father’s resignation, allegedly driven by Richard Cachia Caruana himself, is leading the defence to offer new directions in which to explore the reasons for the attempted murder of the PM’s aide.
Not only is this meant to exonerate Calleja as mandate of the crime, but also to try and expose any form of falsehood on the part of Zeppi l-Hafi as past evidence is turned inside-out. In the case of the defence, Fenech was asked why he told Carmel Borg that he knew all about the attempt on Cachia Caruana’s life but only decided to speak to the Prime Minister months later. He was also asked why he had decided to go to the Prime Minister to reveal all that had happened in full knowledge that saying he had acted as middleman would have exposed him to prosecution. Why did he not go to the Police Commissioner in the first place?

And that is where Fenech’s presidential pardon is put into play. Was he aware of the pardon when he met Fenech Adami for the third time in a series of meetings in which the PM urged Fenech he reveal all and testify to the Court on what he knew? Fenech said it could have been mentioned during this particular meeting, although in other statements he said he had heard about the pardon on the evening news on his car radio, following police interrogation.

Would he have got the pardon for the pending drug charges had he not mentioned Meinrad Calleja as his mandate, Mallia asked? And Mallia stressed, it was convenient for Fenech to mention Calleja. If Fenech mentioned a building contractor instead, he might not have been granted the pardon on his pending drug charges, Calleja’s defence lawyer suggested. Mallia argued that if Fenech had identified somebody else other than Meinrad, Fenech might have received a pardon for the attempt on Cachia Caruana, but not on the drug charges which had also implicated Meinrad and his sister, Clarissa Cachia.

The Zambi testimony compounds two past statements: that of crime scene witness Nicholas Jensen, who said he recognised Zeppi l-Hafi as the perpetrator at Mdina during the trial by jury of co-accused Ian Farrugia, albeit never having recognised Fenech in previous identification line-ups; and Farrugia’s own statements that Attard had been half asleep in the car during the attack.

The contradiction in Zambi’s statements have already been exploited by the prosecution, with deputy Attorney General Silvio Camilleri stating that in 1996 Attard had added details to incriminate Joseph Fenech rather than shouldering the blame himself, as he was now claiming. Attard’s claims run counter to his original statements to the police back in 1996, a clear reversal of the events as he recalled them when he pleaded guilty of carrying out the attack on Cachia Caruana. Highlighting the contradiction, much can be said about Attard’s discrepant mess, and how credible he can prove himself to be in the face of these new statements.

The trial by jury is expected to continue tomorrow at 9am.

Irrefutable proof: Malta a European drug trade centre

Irrefutable proof: Malta a European drug trade centre

By David Lindsay

While the Maltese security service were busy listening to private conversations of John Citizen and Security Service Chief George Grech was facing serious allegations of sexual abuse by a former acquaintance, German and Italian vice squads were tracking Hamburg’s biggest ever drug find down to Malta.

Revelations in the German media lend evidence to the fact that Malta is serving as a redistribution centre for drugs from South America. It also proves that Malta police have been missing the wood for the trees.

While the Malta police have been blowing their bugles over catching youths with cannabis or a few ecstasy pills and believing that Malta’s drug barons are behind bars at Kordin, cocaine worth 46 million marks destined for the Italian market was being discovered in a container destined for the Malta Freeport.

The find included 514 kilogrammes of 90% pure cocaine and 25,000 ecstasy pills – representing a local market value of over Lm 20 million.

The plan, according to German investigators, was to use speedboats from Malta to ship the drugs to the Italian mainland. Such speedboats would have most likely been manned by Maltese individuals, considering the experience some Maltese have been shown to have in crossing the Sicilian straits under cover of night and at high speeds.

The federal criminal investigators in Germany were somehow tipped off that cocaine from Venezuela was being transhipped to Malta via Hamburg. There were 2,500 containers on the container ship Nedlloyd Kingston, which left the Venezuelan port of La Guaira on 17 December and arrived in Hamburg on 10 January. It later arrived in Malta on the 27 January.

The search carried out by the German and Italian police discovered 64 packages of the drug buried beneath 1,152 packs of work gloves at the rear of the container. The packages were hidden behind carbon paper, a practice that aims to render x-ray machines useless.

In a sting operation, investigators had removed the drugs and allowed the container to depart for Malta in order to apprehend those related to the case. It appears that this was done without informing the Maltese authorities. If this is the case, it confirms a degree of mistrust in the Maltese police and security services.

Later in September, up to 13 individuals were arrested in Naples in connection to the shipment. The operation is still being kept under wraps and it is not known whether the Maltese authorities will be approaching their Italian and German counterparts for further information.

First company to operate from Smart City packs its bags before Smart City opens


Below follows an article about Atlas Technology Group quitting Malta. The article does not cover the full story - since the truth would be to0 difficult to print. However, an ex-employee of this company gave us the inside story.

AtlasTG chief, Minister Austin Gatt and Claudio Grech (Smart City CEO) at the launch on AtlasTG in Malta

Atlas Technology Group ultimately left Malta because they were fed up with being expected to pay huge sums of money to Icon, the company run by Gege Gatt, the son of the not so honorable Austin Gatt - head of the IT Ministry. They where also exasperated by the poor infratructure, internet outages, erratic power supply and to add insult to injury - the very high costs of these services. Difficulties in recruiting qualified people, and the expectation to employ political party stooges also did not help.

The CEO of Smart City is now Claudio Grech. Claudio qualification for the job is having been IT miniter's side kick for many years and its widely rumoured that Claudio and Austin may be on very intimate terms.

Articles follows:


The company that promised 600 jobs in the ICT industry and professed to be 'the first ICT corporation to publicly declare intention to be tenants in Smart City' packed its bags and relocated to the US a few days ago, before Smart City has even started hosting its first tenants.

Two years ago, Atlas Technology Group said during a press conference – addressed also by a boastful IT Minister Austin Gatt – that the company will be employing 600 in the Malta operation.

The company opened its headquarters in Malta in September 2006 employing 12 persons. The plan was to employ another 75 persons by end 2007 and the rest of the 500 employees when Smart City opens.

In the last week of August, the IT company shut its Malta operations with the headcount amounting to a dozen employees.

The closure of Atlas Technology Group went completely unnoticed with the IT Ministry, still headed by Austin Gatt, keeping a stony silence on the matter.

The only announcement was hidden in a release by AtlasTG published on Yahoo’s Biz news. In it, the company launched new software and said that “it has realigned the applications support staff to better serve the bulk of the current business, which is in North America.”

“The present customer base while requiring 24/7 support does not generate the volume of night time (US) workload to properly utilise the Malta support center. The company has closed the Malta support centre,” said AtlasTG

When setting its Malta centre, the company executive director, Robert Altinger said: "Atlas Technology Group wants to be one of the first ICT corporations to publicly declare our intention to be tenants in Smart City, where the presence of true state of the art communications infrastructure will give an enormous positive boost to our business.”

AtlasTG provides outsourced application software support services and software for clients with information technology functions worldwide. The company specializes in remotely supporting custom-built applications and networks using proprietary process, monitoring, and management systems.

In the press conference announcing AtlasTG operations in Malta on 19 September 2006, Minister Austin Gatt had said that: “Atlas’s reasons for choosing Malta confirmed that we [the government] have made the right choices over the past few years."

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The fox guarding the hen house

Pokerchamps, Betfair Scam
As you have read, last week Pokerchamps, a site owned by Betfair decided to close all U.S. Accounts and gave those customers 24 hours to withdraw their funds.Needless to say there are a lot of pissed off Americans and rightly so. It's still not know if this was a knee jerk reaction to the recent arrest of BetOnSports CEO David Carruthers, or if it has been in the works by Betfair.(here after referred to as BF as I can't bring my self to type the word "fair" when I refer to them any longer)BF purchased Pokerchumps back in November of 05 and had a policy in place at that time which excluded American accounts. This was a big concern by all Pokerchump's U.S. affiliates that had been working diligently to bring new players to the site since it's inception 2 years earlier. I am one of those in that boat. I spammed Party Poker so fiercely that they added pokerchamps.com to the word filter to deter my actions. Pokerchamps would never have gotten off the ground if it wasn't for the hard work of its affiliates.It was for this reason that the question was asked many times, "will we Americans be able to continue to play and will affiliate programs be affected by this purchase". We were told by the then CEO of Pokerchumps Tony G (poker pro) that we would be allowed to play and our affiliates programs would not be in jeopardy. This was also confirmed by BF card room manager Ben Fried (sounds like a joke, but that's his name) Tony has since come out and said he is sorry for what has happened. I assume this means he was not party to this and that BF had not planned to exclude U.S. accounts all along as they said in their account closing explanation.During the 24 hour time period given for us to get our money out, pokerchamps.com was conveniently not functioning properly and most players were not even able to access the cashier portion of the site to withdraw their money. Also many are now complaining that they can't even get a response to there e-mails in regards to this matter.Put your boots on because the shit gets even deeper. Many have suggested that players having problems cashing out should contact the Lotteries and Gaming Authority of Malta which licences and supposedly regulates casinos under its jurisdiction such as Pokerchamps. Come to find out tho, Kevin Mikkelsen, who is calling the shots at Pokerchamps since Tony G left, is also on the board of directors of the Lotteries and Gaming Authority of Malta. (read more) Tell me this doesn't stink of corruption and fraud. The fox guarding the hen house.I can only hope that the Justice Department get's wind of this and finds reason to put BF, Pokerchamps and the Malta Gaming executives on it's list of scumbags to prosecute. To any Europeans planning on playing at BF Poker be advised BF is also licenced by the lotteries and Gamming Authority of Malta. (read more)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Malta: Foreign Ministry Lm40,000 in airline tickets

After waiting passively for three years...Gonzi asks Auditor: 'What happened to the John Dalli investigation?'

Kurt Farrugia Sat, 28 July 2007

After waiting passively for three whole years, Prime Minister Lawrence Gonzi wrote a letter to the Auditor General asking what happened to an investigation into the procurement of air tickets by the former Foreign Minister John Dalli, sources at the Office of the Prime Minister revealed.Auditor General Joseph G Galea’s term in office will effectively expire this week. But on Saturday 28 July it was announced that his term has been extended until a replacement is found. Meanwhile, it is still not yet known whether the Dalli report is concluded or not.

Gonzi’s dependability could be at stake depending on the outcome of the auditor general’s investigation into the air ticketing case.

A report in The Times on 9 June 2004 had alleged that all travel arrangements for the Foreign Ministry were made by a travel agency, Tourist Resources, in which members of the former minister’s family had an interest.

Among other issues, these allegations had led to John Dalli’s resignation.Gonzi has on various occasions went on record claiming that he accepted Dalli’s “offer” to resign because of case of the air tickets.But John Dalli, who had contested Lawrence Gonzi in the PN leadership battle, still claims he was forced to resign because of a fabricated report on another case in relation to Mater Dei hospital.

Ask the auditor general - John Dalli

Asked by maltastar.com whether he knew if the auditor general’s report was concluded, former minister John Dalli said: “I have no information about the said report. You would have to ask the auditor general about it.”

Various attempts to contact the auditor general on Saturday were not successful.

If the report finds no wrong doings in the procedures used by John Dalli to buy air tickets from Tourist Resources, then the million dollar question will gain added credibility: “Why has Gonzi sacked John Dalli from his Cabinet?”

In his short letter sent a few days ago – seen by maltastar.com sources at the OPM – the prime minister refers to the speech by the Leader of the Opposition Alfred Sant in Parliament on 18 June 2007, who also referred the auditor general’s unfinished investigation.

During the debate on a no confidence motion in Transport Minister Jesmond Mugliett, Alfred Sant had asked on which grounds the prime minister had accepted John Dalli’s resignation.

On a point of order the former minister said that the investigation by the auditor general had been going on for three years. “It is indeed shameful,” Dalli had said.

Gonzi-Dalli impromptu meeting
After the session Gonzi was seen approaching John Dalli and the two spoke for a few minutes. They were also seen heading to the Prime Minister’s office in Parliament.

It is believed that the subject of the impromptu meeting was the auditor general’s report. The outcome of which was the short letter to the auditor general.

maltastar.com is not informed whether the auditor general has replied to the prime minister.

Malta Government Authorities - endemic corruption.

Corrupt ADT employees salaries publishedMugliett's gift to corrupt ADT officials: Lm1,235 each

Kurt Farrugia Wed, 04 July 2007

Jesmond Mugliett’s intervention to stop the transport authority from sacking two of its officials convicted with corruption has cost the authority Lm2,470 in salaries since end of January.The roads minister admitted that in February he personally intervened to stop the ADT’s board from sacking the two corrupt officials, one of which was a canvasser of the same minister, pending a request for a presidential pardon.

A stand which does not make legal or political sense, especially when coming from a minister, political analysts commented.Roderick Galea and Jason Buttigieg were in November found guilty of taking bribes to give a pass mark to candidates taking driving tests. They were handed a general lifetime interdiction sentence which means they cannot hold public office ever. Their appeal was turned down in January 2007 but they were not sacked from ADT despite a board decision in that sense. It was later revealed that Jesmond Mugliett had personally intervened against the board’s decision.

Replying to a parliamentary question tabled by Labour MP Silvio Parnis, Mugliett said that the two corrupt officials who were suspended from ADT on half pay were paid Lm2940.81 each for the period June 2006-June 2007, when their job was actually terminated.Had it not been for Mugliett’s intervention to stop the ADT from terminating Galea’s and Buttigieg’s job, the authority would have been better off by Lm2,470.

In fact, an ADT board meeting early in February decided to terminate the job of its corrupt officials. But roads minister Jesmond Mugliett intervened directly to stop the ADT from sacking Galea (his canvasser), and Buttigieg.

For the period January 2007 (when the lifetime interdiction was confirmed) to June 2007, the ADT forked out Lm1235.45 each to the ADT officials.

Jesmond Mugliett had said that Roderick Galea was his canvasser and used to accompany him during campaigning in PN party clubs and home visits. Galea also used to take time off from work at ADT to drive Mugliett’s constituents to political activities organised by the minister.The attitude of the minister who interfered in favour of two corrupt officials was not yet denounced by the prime minister who is keeping dead silence on the matter.

The Labour Party demanded for the minister’s resignation, but the minister has not shown any intention of stepping down despite his scandalous political attitude in the ADT corruption scandal.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Comatose nation

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of ‘Hard Talk’: the popular television interrogation session in which we make it as “hard” as possible for our guests to “talk”, by constantly interrupting them the moment they are about to actually make their point. I’m your host, David Shutup, and tonight we will be making it hard for our guests to talk about the latest scanda… I mean, development, whereby Malta has finally overtaken Italy to the number one spot in the prestigious “C-Otto” list: i.e., the chart of Corrupt Nations which have done the most to stamp out correct practices wherever these occur.
That’s right, folks: according to the latest statistics released by EuroTwit – the official EU agency for idiotic observations – Malta boasts the lowest number of government departments and autonomous authorities to have never, ever been embroiled in any form of corruption scandal whatsoever. The same statistics also reveal that Malta has the lowest rate of corruption-related inflation – with traditional bribes taking the form of measly sums of money and at times even shopping bags full of basic groceries – making our country the cheapest destination for the would-be government corrupter.But before we all go patting ourselves on the back for a job well-botched, it would be worthwhile revisiting the dynamics of this momentous achievement.
After years of sporadic corruption cases – including the recent “Justicegate”, in which two senior judges were forced to resign over bribery allegations involving the paltry sum of Lm5,000 – Malta appears to have finally shed all pretence of integrity, and embraced its natural vocation as a “world centre for excellence” in corruption.This year alone, we have witnessed the re-emergence of a “cash-for-licences” scandal at the ADT (“Awtorita’ Dwar it-Tixhim”); a festering hub of corruption involving anywhere up to 800 dodgy maritime licences issued by the MMA (“Malta Mercenary Atrocity”); and now the latest – an apparent network of social services abuses, involving the very highest levels of authority within the Ministry of Wealth, and in which the going rate to secure one’s invalidity pension appears to be – I kid you not – one frozen chicken and a couple of skinned rabbits.
With us to discuss this apparent combustion of public trust in every single State institution is Professor L. M. Donor: an authority on endemic Maltese corruption, who paid us a very generous bribe of Lm175 to come onto the programme in the first place. Greetings, Professor. Can you tell us: just how difficult was it for Malta to become a centre for world excellence in corruption, anyway?“Actually, not as difficult as many Europeans might think. Part of the reason is because, unlike other countries where corruption is generally considered a crime, here in Malta it is actually grudgingly admired by a large section of the population; possibly even the majority…”
Are you trying to say that corruption is more accepted in Malta than elsewhere?“Absolutely. In fact, it is so widely acknowledged as the proper way to do things, that many people are unaware that certain practices even qualify as corruption to begin with. Consider, for instance, the famous ‘tangentopoli’ scandal in Italy in the early 1990s; or even the recent ‘cash for honours’ scandal in the UK, where prominent businessmen were ‘awarded’ seats in the House of Lords in return for massive donations to the Labour Party…”
Hang on: If I understood correctly, what you’re actually saying is that in Italy and the UK, certain businessmen made donations to political parties in return for contracts and/or positions of influence and power. If this is true… well… who cares? What’s the big deal? “Well, nothing, obviously. It’s what we in Malta have been doing now for generations. In fact, it’s difficult to imagine how business would even operate, if we had to legislate against secret donations to political parties, like ordinary countries did years ago. But you must remember we’re dealing with inferior European states here, some of which are so primitive that corruption is even against the law. So much so that in Italy, certain businessmen even committed suicide upon receiving an ‘avviso di garanzia’... instead of being awarded with the country’s highest honour, which is what probably would have happened here…”
So what you’re saying is, it’s “cool” to be corrupt in Malta…“Let’s just say that there’s nothing shameful about it. It’s normal. If anything, it’s doing things by the book that is frowned upon in Malta. Take the example of a man who has been working diligently in a government department for years, without ever having been visibly on the take. You will find that, instead of respecting him for his integrity, his own friends and family will privately refer to him as a ‘pastizz’. The same, charming little epithet will also be reserved for anyone who endangers the privileged status of corrupt businessmen and politicians by actually paying their taxes, or employing workers legally, or paying their employees’ social security contributions, or going through all the proper channels when applying for a permit…”
I see. Well, thank you, Past… I mean, Profs, but that’s about all the time we have reserved for intellectual nonsense this evening. And now, for our really important guest, who is none other than (pause for genuflection) the glorious and honourable Minister for Institutionalised Corruption and Fraudulent Policy in person, who very kindly consented to take time out of his busy, palm-greasing schedule to visit our humble studios.
Welcome, Minister, to Hard Talk. Before I begin: remember that brown envelope I mentioned over the phone earlier? Well, it’s right here under my desk… “Fine, just leave it on my chair the moment I get up to go at the end. Meanwhile, you can get off your hands and knees now…”
Thank you. But onto tonight’s subject. As the minister responsible for stamping out correctness wherever it raises its ugly head, do you feel vindicated by this latest recognition of your incredible achievements?“Yes. But I must concede that I was alone in bringing about this extraordinary success. Malta’s promotion to the upper ranks of European sleaze is the culmination of years – decades, in fact – of hard, painstaking work by succeeding administrations of government to instil in our country an innate corruption ethic in virtually every sphere of life. But it would be unwise to rest on our laurels at this stage. “So far, our policies appear to be bearing fruit. But despite all our efforts, public trust in State institutions has not been completely eroded yet. There remain some underperforming departments, in which there have either been no corrupt practices at all, or in which corruption has not been fully revealed as yet…”Is this the purpose behind the new Authority you’ve just established?“That’s right. The government I represent has long been a believer that public-private partnerships are the way forward to achieve our declared aim of 100 per cent corruption by 2010. With this in mind, we have just established the brand new Corruption Of Malta Authority (COMA), which amalgamates the worst of all autonomous authorities and bureaucratic government departments into one, stinking cess-pit of opaqueness and unaccountability…”
But what’s different between COMA and other authorities?“There are many differences. For one thing, COMA is the only authority in which board members are automatically screened for possible conflicts of interest. However, this does not mean that failure to have a conflict of interest would automatically preclude you from becoming a member of the board. Generally speaking, we allow board members a five-month ‘grace’ period, in order to procure themselves a conflict of interest in the very rare event that they don’t already have one of their own – either by engaging in a private practice in a way that is specifically prohibited by the Authority statute; or by getting married to the best friend of the wife of a government minister, responsible for the very process they themselves are theoretically overseeing. “Having said that, COMA is very much an equal opportunities institution: we employ all corrupt officers equally.”Has COMA received any complaints about unabusive practices at the workplace?“Yes, but thankfully only a few. At the moment we are investigating reports of a government department employee who allegedly refused to accept a bribe, as required by the Corruption Act 2005. At this stage, it is merely an allegation. But nonetheless we are taking it very seriously, as the possibility of a single honest government employee may hinder us from achieving our main target: zero tolerance for integrity by 2010.” As you yourself stated, Malta is well on its way to achieving full compliance with the EU’s Kickbacks Directive. What does this entail, exactly?“Quite simply, the total eradication of honesty and integrity from all aspects of the public service. In actual fact, this is more difficult than most people seem to think. For despite our best efforts in only recruiting employees with a long history of involvement in illicit affairs, it must be said that the occasional honest, bona fide civil servant still occasionally slips through the net. “For instance, during one of our routine anti-correctness inspections, we discovered that the document-shredding machine in a certain government ministry hadn’t been properly oiled in weeks. As a result, the department could only manage to shred half its quota of incriminating documents… and even then, the documents were only partially destroyed, leaving numerous fragments which could later be pieced together by inquisitive journalists. “I mean, honestly: how can we be serious in the fight against correct practices, when we can’t even rely on unscrupulous employees to shred documents properly?"So what new developments can we expect in the ongoing fight against correctness?“The most important piece of legislation currently in the pipeline is a new Whistleblowers’ Act. According to this new law, whistle-blowing – i.e., unfairly reporting perfectly legitimate corrupt practices to the relevant authorities – will be made a criminal offence, liable to up to 12 years of being forced to watch ‘Ta’ Horrox Borrox’ on Net TV, without possibility of parole… (unless, of course, the accused is willing to apply for a pardon like everybody else.) “And finally, after granting numerous contracts by direct order to leading canvassers from one specific constituency, we decided to open a new academy of corruption: “MCRAP” (The Malta College for Remuneration Against Presents), to be opened under the auspices of Malta’s dodgiest educational facility, the Foundation for Tomorrow’s Fools.”
Thank you, Minister, for being paid for your presence on Hard Talk. This is your host, David Shutup, and now it’s time for us to take a commercial break… don’t go away, we’ll be right back…